I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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