question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize