I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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