I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
