totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize