sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Duck Duck Cougar?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
