I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
