why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
So much rum. So many feels.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
