saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
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