Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
