If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize