evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
