youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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