hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
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