I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
