you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
