That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
