I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize