At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
