I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
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