i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
