I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
