i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
