Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
The power of my boobs compel you
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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