dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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