Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
