I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize