how hairy? two words: wookie tits
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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