She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
