Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Randomize
