I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
