I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm getting married
To pizza
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Randomize
