Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
So much rum. So many feels.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
