my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
