The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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