Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
