Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
