Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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