my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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