What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
