I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Randomize
