So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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