Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Randomize
