4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
My cat gives me a boner
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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