Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
