Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
