I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
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