Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
We just shotgunned beers for America
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
