Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
sick fucks of a feather flock together
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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