we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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