Screwed.edu
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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