Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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