you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
