he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize