Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
