I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize