Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
COCAINE IS GR8
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
