This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
