you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
