Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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