I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Randomize