Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
