when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
