Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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