I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
