Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Sober January is a disaster.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
