I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
