Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Randomize
